Anxiety

30 Aug 2024

Dream

I dreamt that my adult children were showing me a video where there were people crowded on a porch and someone trying to push their way through the door fell backwards. They asked a rhetorical question then the scene started over and they were younger and we were driving past the house and witnessed it. Then they were even younger and it started again. This time we lived next door to the house and there was a parkway with woods behind our house. I was walking with the kids. The person who fell was a teenager but in this version of the dream he jumped and a bunch of people followed him like lemmings. He ran when he hit the ground and they ran after him. A border collie was in a yard with a white fence. The white fence had a big whole in it. When the dog saw the boy running it got upset and ran at him. She jumped to try to stop him from running and accidentally nipped at his face. The boy didn’t appear to be hurt but the boys family who ran after him including a very big, fat older man with a mustache and beard threatened to sue to have the dog put down. Each time my kids were younger they had different questions. When they were younger they weren’t rhetorical. I was anxious trying to explain things. The last situation I got involved in trying to defend the dog. The woman had two dogs that she struggled to control with the chaos. I asked if the dog had a rabies vaccination. She said no that those were horrible and I should never give a dog that shot. I said that was too bad that she thought that way because now she might have to quarantine the dog at a vet for 10 days at her expense of there’s an actual bite

30 Aug 2024

Dream

I had a dream I was in another country and I didn’t want to go on this trip but my husband insisted I go with him and we were in our 2024 Nissan Murano and I see lots of traffic and a person driving a Mercedes Benz was road raging us and all of the sudden it slammed the back of my Murano and I told my husband see what happened I didn’t want to be here I felt something weird was gonna happen and it did and all of the sudden my cat wakes me up but that’s all I got out of this dream .

29 Aug 2024

Dream

I work at a hospital, however I was in a completely different one. I had my PPE on, which is just protective wear and I was in a basement in a morgue, the hallways were empty and so was the morgue. I open up a small body bag to see a small two year old that has passed away inside. It made my heart sad to see this toddler that’s a girl dead. I place her gently on the autopsy table and I get a weird feeling that she’s still alive. Her eyes are closed but I can see faint breathing. I start questioning why they would bring an alive child down to the morgue. The girls body starts moving like either my mind is playing tricks on me, or her… she opens her eyes and smiles at me. As I debate my next move as to whether I should call a nurse, I think to myself “well no one is here at this hospital…” as I’m thinking that suddenly the girl turns pale. Her eyes close and become extremely bruised and purple and pink it looks like there was a lot of damage done to her eyes. I go to close them because I can’t stand looking at them, but they keep opening back up. At this point I’m feeling very anxious, mortified, and confused as to what to do… I’m used to seeing dead babies at my job but this was the first time they’ve been this much older. I wake up, and I’m freaking out - I’m very anxious and don’t want to return to this dream. I eventually go back to bed. I’m driving in my car, my old fiat and it seems like a ghost town. I start driving towards this unknown hospital again and when I get there I have this dread inside of me like I don’t want to go in and experience the haunted morgue and this two year old that keeps frightening me. I’m sitting in this empty parking lot when I have the realization that I don’t have to go in there… I immediately leave and don’t look back.

29 Aug 2024

Dream

Everything around me was a blank white canvas. Like a never ending white open room and space. Suddenly some mail appears and some of the mail is for my dad, and some of the mail if for Tyreq. I think to myself, “why is Tyreq sending his mail to my home?” So of course I open up the mail out of curiosity, and they seemed very important although I couldn’t remember exactly what his mail stated. Then suddenly, the white blank surroundings around me turn into North Carolina and I’m taken to outside of Tyreqs apartment and I see him, and his brother Tyshawn, and Tyshawn’s girlfriend Rhi. Rhi waves hello to me even though this is surprising since she doesn’t really ever remember me too clearly (I think because Tyreq has a lot of women around) and she says to me “wow! You really do have a nice glow and aura to you since you’ve moved” Tyshawn just stays in the passenger side of the car and doesn’t say much. I turn to my left and I see a fridge next to the side walk with a price tag on it. I give Tyreq a hug but he looks different. He also goes by James, but since I’ve known him for so long I usually just call him Tyreq but for some reason he seemed more of a James this time around - someone different then I’m used to seeing. I follow him up the stairs, and my bag is left at the side walk. We start talking and catching up as usual… but again something’s off… someone has also been staying on his couch, he’s in a new place, and I thought to myself “it doesn’t really smell bad in here like people it does” it was just the usual clutter. We go into his bedroom and I ask if i can take a shower before we relax together. He says sure, and when I’m in the shower the steam gets so overwhelming that I have an asthma attack and I can barely see in the bathroom. I leave the bathroom to get my inhaler from my bag outside and I realize I look a little crazy with nothing but a towel going outside but I needed my inhaler so oh well. I bump into Tyreq and he seems confused. He says “why are you outside in your towel?” “I needed my inhaler” I say back to him… then he says “well you should’ve told me to get it for you you should be more mean and aggressive to me, shit even gaslight me if you need to to get what you need” I’m a little too stunned to speak. Then all the sudden, Michael Starks (someone really don’t like” looks over the balcony and says something to Tyreq. I immediately feel the anxiety setting in. I never would’ve came over had I know Michael would be there. All the sudden I randomly see my friend Lexi driving past in her car and I almost wanted to flag her down and just get in the car with her but she passed me. However, she loops around multiple times but I never get into the car. We all go back upstairs and suddenly Tyreqs mood switches up and changes to being aggressive towards a womanly figure and keeps saying a lot of things about this woman… I look to the living room to see Tyshawn, Rhi, and someone else drawing on a white board and writing things down. As I step closer I start drawing a circle. Then I wake up

29 Aug 2024

Dream

I woke up and checked my bank account and realized 550,000 was transferred into my bank. I was stunned. It was a from a forgiven account I couldn’t read or recognize. It scared me that this happened and I didn’t know how to process or what to do with the information. I wanted to tell my husband but I didn’t know if I should, as I was unsure if he was actually my husband. I went to the gas station to see if I could pull any money out from my account. I was able to pull a few hundred dollars out and felt some relief. At the gas station there were some high school kids being obnoxious and they made me feel anxious, I left to go back home. When I went back home my husband was awake and we had plans to see my mom. She picked us up and it was raining. We were driving around town and I couldn’t get a grasp on reality. I wanted to tell my mom about this money but I again felt very afraid. I had a desire to my nails done. When my dropped us back home, I told her I wanted to talk with her, and I remember feeling anxious about this. She had things to do and made it clear it needed to be to be quick. I brought her in the house while my husband was still in the car, and I kept trying to muster up telling her but I kept avoiding the actual truth. I didn’t know if I could trust her. My husband came in and my mom left. I became unsure if my husband was my actual husband, and I gave him a series of questions to test him to see. I wasn’t convinced. We did a tour through the house because I felt scared and paranoid. In the back room there was a old man’s body on the floor lying in the fetal position, but neither of us were surprised to see this, as if he was a part of the house. At one point we ended up on the driveway and our dog was in the car and there was a shoot out with the police. I remember being so scared for the dog, worried they were going to hurt or kill him.

28 Aug 2024

Dream

First dream, I was in a neighborhood and I had a party with some friends. They stole one of my neighbor's motorhomes and like drove it into their yard. And they got in trouble at the club and we all ended up leaving at different times. But when we got back to the house, I realized that they had caused this huge mess and had been very disruptive to the entire neighborhood. So I had to go around and apologize to everyone for it. The second part of my dream, we were driving somewhere, but I was going down this really narrow road. I swerved and I hit someone's fence and it like fell over. And we got out of the car and said sorry. I gave my insurance information. And the guy who owned the fence said, well, you know, this fence costs like $100,000 and you don't carry enough insurance for that. So we can make a deal and you could just have a baby for us instead since we can't. And for whatever reason, I said, yeah, I'll give that a go. Even though I know I can't have a baby, but I don't have $100,000 to fix their fence either. The other part of my dream was watching my niece, Juniper. We were doing various activities and she was walking and she kept walking away from me and I kept trying to catch up with her. And I lost her like multiple times at this MASSIVE garage sale. And the last part of my dream, some kid was getting made fun of because he got his hair cut. It was like a bowl shaped haircut. We were trying to make him feel better by putting it in like warrior braids.

26 Aug 2024

Dream

I kept having dreams that I was walking into spider webs and seeing spiders and I woke up feeling extremely anxious as a result of it

25 Aug 2024

Dream

I was pregnant. I was with Carson and we were talking about what the name would be, I got to choose if it was a girl, he got to choose if it was a boy. I didn't like the name he picked out, and since we already had one kid (from a previous dream) that was a boy, and if this was a boy, maybe I would get to choose. He reluctantly agreed. I went into labor so we went to the hospital. The doctors were clearing out a special room for me but no one would tell me why, but the doctor said it was so they could fit more people in there so they could watch. When I finally got to the room, they were taking out the normal bed and replaced it with an archaic wooden table with straps. I asked the doctor what was going on. He said I didn't have a cervix and that was rare and he wanted people to watch. I was freaking out because I didn't like the wooden table. My mom showed up and tried to calm me down. I kept freaking out because I didn't know what was going on. Finally, a female doctor came in to see what was wrong and I told her I didn't want to give birth like this. After a few minutes of discussion, she decided she was going to take over instead of the other doctor, and she brought in a normal hospital bed and took out the wooden one. I was laying on the bed and asking the doctor questions (it was established that we've been acquaintances since elementary school). I asked her if I was gonna be able to push out the baby without a cervix. She said we'll figure it out. My mom wasn't happy with that answer, but I told my mom I trusted this doctor. The doctor told me that it's good I have a second kid now because the first one wasn't getting stimulated enough. (From a previous dream, I had someone else watch him and as far as I knew, he only stayed in one room of the house. I realized I hadn't seen him in so long and I was questioning if I was good enough to even have another kid) I gave birth fairly easily, but after a few moments of crying, the baby stopped and he couldn't breathe. They tried clearing his airways and I asked my doctor if this was my fault. She told me no and that this is just a complication that happens sometimes.

25 Aug 2024

Dream

Last night I had a dream that’s a variant of many similar dreams lately. I was sitting in a cafè having coffee with someone, I don’t know who but I know that it was a friend or acquaintance and I was waiting to go to the airport. I don’t remember where I was going just that it was very important. Someone asks me (actually I think it was my husband) when my flight is and I said 15.45 so I gave still lots of time. We sit, chatting and then I say, maybe I need to go get my bags and start getting ready. When I’m there packing the bags I see my phone has been on “do not disturb” so I switch it on and notifications about my flight start pouring in from an hour before. I then understand that I remembered badly, the flight was a connecting one and the second flight were to leave at 15.45 but the first one was at 13.30! I panic, I HAVE to get to my destination, it’s so important, people are counting on me, oh my god what am I doing, why am I so distracted? I usually have total control about things! Weird enough I’m more or less at the airport and I need to find the office of the airline so they can maybe help me get to the connecting flight or change it to a direct one and I just need to add the money. I’m searching for the office, asking people for directions and some just look at me blankly, then finally outside a pharmacy a lady tells me it’s just around the corner. I turn the corner but just see a restaurant. I ask the lady again and she says, no it’s there, just look closer, I don’t think you’re looking. I go back and I see it, it’s right there. I go to open the door and I have to look down because the step is at a weird height and when I look up again I wake up. This is a variant of other dreams with the same sense of urgency and getting to a certain secret destination that’s vital for me and my kids. My husband is usually there but never helps, sometimes he even makes it worse by going the wrong way taking the kids with him or not listening when I call for him/them. He usually never looks at me or talks to me, like I’m not there. Usually I need to get to a bus, or a train or a flight and I loose my direction or there are obstacles in the way (stairs that change where they end, or by crossing the street I end up five blocks further away, by opening a door I find myself in a place where I don’t know how to get out or where I even am). I always wake up before I get there or before I know I’ll make it. It’s like an elusive maze but with the stress of having to get there, almost like it’s a life or death situation. It’s extremely stressful and the dreams are filled with a lot of anxiety and frustration. I’m doing everything, like everything I can to get me (and sometimes the kids) to where I need to go but whatever I do it’s like walking through mud or being pushed further away. I’m thinking this is a metaphor for my life, someone or something being the block that keeps me held back in every way.

24 Aug 2024

Dream

I was auditioning for a professional Shakespeare company on the Central Coast that was putting on a musical based on House of the Dragon characters. A few Kingsmen Shakespeare people were there, such as Jason Rennie and Kiki Ragland. Over and over again we would wait in the hallway reading the sides, and then go in to perform them. There were several characters I was going out for, and I got called back for them, with just a few actors competing for the roles. I felt proud of myself that I had made it that far. In the end, I just got cast as a teenage girl and perhaps a barmaid, but I was happy to have the opportunity to get away for the summer and be in a new place. I was attracted to several men at the callback and I knew that even though I was playing a minor character I could enjoy the production just as much as any of the leads and be their friend. At the same time, I knew I would miss Taylor and all my usual summer gigs.

22 Aug 2024

Dream

The first part of the dream dealt with me working at a performance venue for an awards show. I saw lots of celebrities there, some with a lovely attitude and some completely rude. At one point we saw Pedro Pascal go by in a vehicle and he was friendly and smiling. Throughout the show, there were areas where little eggs started hatching and out came animals - not just animals that should have come from eggs like birds or reptiles, but also tiny kittens and puppies. Being around too many animals and being afraid of harming some of them is a recurring theme in my dreams. In the next part of the dream, I was with Taylor as we were auditioning for a professional musical. I felt anxious to be there and like I wasn’t up to par with the other performers, but at one point they allowed me to be part of a group exercise and had a good reaction to my acting. A part of the dream also took place at a school with many winding corridors, where articles of clothing came alive and we had to fight them off. It was more of a nuisance than scary, but I was annoyed that I had to fight them off alone while Taylor was in the bathroom. I saw some old friends in this dream; at the audition space I saw Mayu from college, and at the school I saw Emily Lobba, who has passed away in real life, but in the dream she was still alive and her brother Marco was not. This was a jarring encounter within the dream. At the audition, my mom decided to be there as well, and Taylor was talking to some people about his own self-journey and wanting to consider neurodivergent male and female roles for himself.

21 Aug 2024

Dream

So I was working in my infant classroom with my co teacher Oyani and she and I were standing by the standing swings and she was singing some babies in the seats above. She said something to me and then the metal chains broke and the seats fell but not completely. None of the babies were harmed but we were both so shocked and scared. When I called for help the two new managers came and the lights seemed to dim. It was so weird, the lights almost seemed to turn into pink, purple, and blue spotlights on us like we were in trouble or something. The managers didn’t listen to us and just kept talking about nothing so I had enough and started to yell at them to just leave us alone and leave. They finally left and then we shut the door and cleaned up the mess. I felt so alienated that I hid behind a desk and Oyani seemed to disappear when the door closed, I felt alone. It was so weird, I felt like I was a bad person and couldn’t take care of the kids anymore, although they were even in my dream after the swing’s metal chains broke. I felt trapped with the spotlight on me. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m leaving child care and maybe feel defeated or if I shouldn’t leave child care and this is my calling, but I’m tired and burnt out and just need to follow my dreams but I don’t know what that is.