Abortion

19 Aug 2024

Dream

I had a dream I was pregnant and I was with mom and we got in a huge fight I don’t remember what about but some guy got me pregnant and I was like no way can I have this baby and then we were talking about getting an abortion and we were in line at some fast food restaurant and in front of us was one of moms coworkers and she was really nice but was saying her and her family are moving to Indiana. There was a lot more that happened I think but I can’t really remember it all

10 Aug 2024

Dream

I was in this unfamiliar house with several people. For some reason the house was locked and we couldn’t get out. When we try to get out I couldn’t. At some point in the dream we found a way to unlock the doors in the house from the inside out. At that point we needed to go to the other side of the house to turn on this water system for something. We were able to connect with a couple of neighbors who were willing to hear us out and grant us access through their house to get to the water system. During this whole time there was another of the part of the dream where I was undergoing IVF just to see if I’m able to conceive a child. My friend Tia was also with me who was also going through that process with her husband. In real life they went through that process to conceive their first child because of male infertility. This time around they were having a difficult time. The process included meeting up with a group of women to do a few things as part of this process. I didn’t expect to get pregnant I just wanted to try it out to see if I’ll be ok once I officially decide to have children which I would prefer to be partnered by then to take that route. At some point my friend Tia was hugging me and touched my stomach and can feel a heartbeat. I told her no I’m not pregnant and then suddenly I started feeling it to. I started to get very anxious because I wasn’t ready to become a parent and I was worried because somehow this child would be my abusive ex child as well. I broke down and my friend consoled me knowing I do not have kids with this man. I told her I would have to hide it from him and from the child and become a single parent or get an abortion. I was very conflicted cause being in my 30s I knew I want to become a mother but not with my abusive ex who I’m currently going through the criminal court case system to hold him accountable for his abuse towards me. I did not know what to do but I felt a significantly leaning to get an abortion because I didn’t not want to have a kid with that man. I was also hoping making that choice won’t impact my ability to conceive again when I’m in a healthy relationship and feel more ready for parenthood. The dream ended with us trying to get to this water system through a neighbor’s apartment. The neighbors we connected to were all kind to us. One woman in particular invited me over when I started to tell her what I was going through with the pregnancy and she had so much compassion for me. We bonded in that way and later on we all ate some food and hung out. We were also very happy to finally be able to get out of this house that we felt imprisoned in because we couldn’t get out of it initially.

30 Jul 2024

Dream

A friend and mine were supposed to be hanging out I drove to him to link up and he went to the Chinese store then I never saw him. Then I saw my mom and she left with my aunt and her friend anette. Then my mom, aunt and her friend left together in one car instead of 2. My mom and her friend had their scooters. Then there was another part when I saw my girlfriend she was getting settled in her apartment and was listening to music in her headphones so I left her alone to settle in. As I went to settle into my apartment this black joy was rude and shoved me to get by and didn’t say excuse me or acknowledge that I was even there. Then when my girlfriend and I linked up we were walking outside and she told me about her abortion she had with her boyfriend Jason at the time and how much it was to have that abortion which was about 600$ I then asked her if she regretted it and wish she would have kept the baby instead and she got emotional and said yes. As we were waiting for the bus there was a group of black school students and as I went by to get my book bag since I had stepped away to talk to my girlfriend as I left to go back to her one of the students decide to lift my leg and grab my leg I told him to get off and he wasn’t listening no one helped me I got so angry and pushed him back and hit him his head fell against the pavement and I cursed him out telling him what the fuck is wrong with him and I cursed at him in Spanish too. There was another scene were I was helping a friend with babysitting and the baby needed new clothes so I washed a one piece since it was soiled by some other kid and the baby needed something.then I gave it to her to wring it out and give it to the baby to wear. There was another scene were I saw 2 kids playing against each other at a game machine and the bigger kid kept thinking he would keep winning but the smaller kid beat him then he cheated and did a rematch and the small kid still beat him again after the rematch and won all that coins from the game machine.

16 Jul 2024

Dream

I was in a big store that looked like Walmart. There were a few familiar faces who apparently worked with me, one of them being an ex-friend named Rosa. As I was sorting SIM cards, I run into a guy and a small child (toddler). He looked very familiar, I knew him from somewhere. He says hi to me and he tells his little one to say hi as well. We have a conversation and he tells me that I am the mother of his little one. I got caught by surprise because I didn’t remember ever birthing any other child but my son Issac. He looked a little hurt and asked me if I didn’t remember a few years back when he got me pregnant. Suddenly, I got a flash of memories. In the memory, I remembered that we had a one night stand and had an accidental pregnancy. I let him know about the pregnancy and that I was going to abort. He begged me to keep his child and told me he would take full responsibility and not ask anything of me. He just really wanted a kid. I was hesitant of keeping the pregnancy but he kept insisting, so I decided to have the baby and give up my parental rights to him. When I had these memories, I felt extremely guilty that I had a child, gave him up and forgot about him. I went over, introduced myself to the boy and gave him a hug. He looked so much like his father and looked only a little bit older than Issac. I let dad know that I was sorry for forgetting about our child and that I wanted the opportunity to be in his life because he deserved to have a mother. He seemed surprised by it but was open to it and then they left. I started to think about how I was going to break the news to my family, Issac’s dad and all my loved ones. Nobody knew about the existence of this boy and I had forgotten about it myself. I wondered how I was able to block the memory out of my mind for so long. I knew I had to make things right, let all my loved ones know about “my first born” and make up for lost time with this boy.