Suicide

22 Aug 2024

Dream

I dreamed that my brother who died by suicide in 2019 was outside my house with a gun trying to sniper me. I was running and hiding from him. He was outside the windows

20 Aug 2024

Dream

I was being chased by weird colorful monsters and I had to go through like their building I gave up on that then it went to where I stayed at this house and they had pet cows and my dead aunt was alive in this dream and so there was something weird going on with the cows and it was creepy and it was some type of syndrome that happens to them where they freeze up and stand up really tall and then their guts fall to the floor and it just smelt awful I had to see it then I went on a date with this girl at a beach even tho I had a girlfriend we were crab hunting but instead we found jars of small holographic mushrooms and fairy stuff hid under the sand in a box then she invited me back to her house she really liked me but I had a girlfriend and didn’t tell her and I didn’t do anything with her why ghosted her then it went to a different dream I lived kind of around a forest and it was common for people to hang themselves there and I got off the school bus and saw a man in a tuxedo hung and I freaked out and walked home it felt like I was panicking I told my mom and uncle about it and we went back and the hung mans pet cat was also hung the smell was awful and I accidentally touched it and it felt all oily and then it made me overthink like what if this is a sign I need to kill myself we kept finding money on the ground and then we went to an icecream shop and we were low on money and my mom got a chocolate milkshake I wanted a peanut butter ice cream cup but the dream ended there

18 Aug 2024

Dream

I dreamed that my friend was getting married to a rich and good man, and on the wedding day she didn't invite me because of the money, because she had a strict family, and on the wedding day I wrote on Instagram why she didn't invite me, and the next day she she was at my house and I was crying out of frustration because of my fate, and we talked, and she bent down for a few minutes at the house and her groom gave me €205 for the trouble and my uncle who is from the CobraKai series, Daniell Larusso he saw me and wanted to go out, and my friend's groom had an argument and it was resolved, and then my friend came and we talked to her, in the evening we hung out until the corner of the road and we had a good night, after I I climbed on a rock of electricity and I turned it on and all the light went out and my uncle and my relatives came and scolded me and on the third day I went to where the trains were going and I was watching how the trains were going, and I wanted to kill myself

15 Aug 2024

Dream

I was teaching at Nordhoff. My old classmates were there, but they had gone off to do something else. I was in Hoj’s classroom and was playing piano for a talented student who was singing. It was the last day of school. I saw some of my Redlands classmates and professors there too; specifically Angie Quigley and Melissa Tosh, but Tosh didn’t seem to recognize me. There was a football game going on across the street. We sat around and discussed geopolitics; one of the professors expressed her sadness over Gaza. Suddenly we leapt up as the football game ended and our school won 1-0. The scene shifted to the curve right before Black Mountain Ranch in Upper Ojai. The bridge was broken and there was a construction crew. My mom, my sister (who was a boy in this dream) and a tiny baby brother who could fit in my hand approached. My sibling almost fell down, but then the construction crew saved them. Suddenly they took off running and I knew they were trying to commit suicide. I tried to chase them, holding the baby so tightly in my hand I thought I’d killed it at some point until it began laughing. I think at one point I saw Ben Affleck jogging down the highway and asked if they’d seen my sibling. The dream ended with my sibling following a family into an orchard where there were several cops, and drew a gun, trying to commit suicide by cop. I wrestled the gun out of their hand and handed it to someone else, and everyone was trying to diffuse the situation until I woke up.

12 Aug 2024

Dream

I killed myself, or atleast I tried. I woke up in a hospital and looked everywhere for boyfriend to apologize for being so selfish

29 Jul 2024

Dream

Suicidal Vtuber girl There was a girl, her hair is brown wolf cut, I always wanted a wolf cut, her eyes are black, her face is smooth beautiful, she is wearing a brown dress, but she was kidnapped and tortured, she wants to die, she is locked in a room pure white blank, first she tried to cut her hair using a sword thinking that they'll leave her alone if she looks ugly, but the sword is not sharp enough to cut her hair, she then tries to slay and kill herself but it didn't even penetrate her skin, then I came to her and gave her my sharpest sword, but no sword will be able to kill her, and she will always suffer, she cries tears down.

21 Jul 2024

Dream

My old roommate had the ability to start and stop fires at random. She was sitting out front of my old childhood home which was a townhouse, where she would think of a fire, and all of the sudden, everything was ablaze, until she felt like going back to normal, and nothing was smoldering; as if the fires never existed. I walked to my friend Courtney's house a few blocks away, thinking that would calm me down from watching my house turn to flames, only to go right back to ordinary. No such luck. Courtney was dating Marc, a friend of mine that I used to chill with at the bars, and comment on chicks with. They had apparently been together for a while, and all you could find in their fridge was leftovers from going out to dinner every night. I was so angered that they would spend so much money on going out, when they were struggling for rent money. God, they're just like my dad and step-mom. But they didn't see it. Courtney was so oblivious to her over-spending, and just sat back and played Playstation 2 some more. So, onto my house again, where my old roommate had left to kill herself. She told my sister Jennie to tell me that she couldn't handle her newfound powers, so she was going to leave the world. I was suprisingly nonchalant about it. As I moved onto talking to Jennie about going back to the House of 1,000 Corpses Haunted House, where she had chickened out last time we went. I had experienced quite a large amount of dysphoria last time I went, being that I fell through the floor, only to find myself covered in maggots and doormouses. The house was enveloped by morbid quotations written in graffitti. Stuff like "your mother raped me, so I killed her." and "this is the blood of the many victims of this house." I thought that for a haunted house, they went a little far with their decorations, but I figured, Jennie wants to go and see if she can handle it, I may as well go with her to 'hold her hand' if she got scared. So, I decide to go first, and wait for her there. I remembered the part of the house where I fell through, and made sure to stay clear of that level. I uncovered more morbid quotations, and even more creeking panels. There were ropes hanging from the ceiling, and chains cuffed carelessely to the banisters. I didn't want to go back in there. But I had to remain strong, for Jennie. She was going through enough already, with her getting admitted into the mental hospital, and escaping because she knew she wasn't crazy. I had to stay with her, make sure she was safe. So, Jennie finally shows up, exhausted and out of breath from running again. She had run into one of the orderlys on their way to the asylum. But at least she made it here okay. Although she was shaken up from the whole ordeal, she still wanted to go into the haunted house. I told her she may not be able to handle it, but she insisted that she do it, to prove that she wasn't a pussy. She reluctantly climbs up the steps to the first floor, watching me to see if my facial expressions change, giving her an idea of where to and where not to go. She eventually makes it to the level where I fell in. I stood on the window sill on the level below, where you could look up and see where other people were in the house. There was nowhere for me to climb up to her to warn her, and for some reason, she wasn't answering my cries to her to stop and turn around. So, what other option did I have than to go myself? I started getting very sweaty, my palms could barely hold onto the banister, which was shakey to begin with. I pass over the blood stained wood beneath my feet as I make my way up the staircase to where she was. I find her sitting down on the very slates that I fell through, petting a lost dog. She seemed very somber, as if she was in an ordinary house. I couldn't understand why I fell through, and when I come here to be her moral support, she winds up being more unafraid than I. I try and tell her it was time to leave, that we had to get out of the house before the boards split, and she becomes engulfed in insects and rodents. And as I stood there, pleading with her, there sat a doormouse, just like the ones I fell into before. Right behind her. She turns around, and picks up the furry creature, and starts petting it, as though she were a little kid in a pet store. Everything seemed fine. We finally leave the house, and realize, only when we looked around and saw not a single soul, that there was no carnival in town. No fair, no amusement park; we just spent over an hour in an actual blood haven. We stoically walked forth to our house, where we had to get ready for a party soon. We walk in, and find the party has already begun. I tell Jennie I have to go upstairs and change before my soulmate Kenny got there. As soon as I said that, her daughter Emily runs up to me, and asks me why I was covered in blood. I couldn't tell her. I simply walked up the stairs without missing a beat. Later, Jennie went onto explain to Emily that it was fake blood. No reason to make Emily upset. I finish changing, and sit down by the window, because I wanted to watch the moon. A few hours pass by where I forgot about the world, when all of the sudden, Jennie walks up to me, and tells me to hold out my hands. Shaking a pill bottle into my palms, she gives me 7 Tylenols with codeine. She thought that maybe if we were numb and apathetic to the whole incident, we could enjoy the party more. So I take them. All of them. Next thing you know, I'm calling everyone in my phone book. I stumble across a few people I hadn't talked to in years, and they seem unknowing to who I was. She was right; the pain killers helped to make me forget the killer's house, but now I had something else to deal with. People had forgotten me. People that I held in such high regard, people that I talked about all the time, and shared memories of them with other acquaintances. How could they forget me? They said I was such a great friend.

20 Jul 2024

Dream

My dream last night was like a whole movie. It started in this like weird movie setting at the very beginning where this group of people was like by this like sewer thing and one of the kids wandered in. One of the other kids followed them. So this older guy, the guy that plays Iron Man follows the kids and then a few more follow and then I follow and when we come out on the other side two of the kids or older the pregnant lady in the car crashed and died, and then one of the kids in the back died back in the car and Tony Stark was older and then a few more people came out. There were two kids that became older from this water and there were a few adults as well and then we kind of just like went on with our lives and I was convinced that it was something with like, religious or even magical or something, and I was trying to figure it out and then it kinda shifts and this lady and another lady the second lady who is like her assistant is like a fem boy kind of she had a really deep voice and she had no boobs and they came in with some of the water from the sewer and they were apparently some of the researchers and they pulled me aside and they were like hey we figured it out. It was because the water didn't have enough lead in it it was a lead deficient water like oh my God I found out that one of the ladies who had not walked through. It had gone back and walked through it, hoping it would make her smarter or that people would pay more attention to her because she was a little bit overweight and kind of like ignored and she seems like she really wanted attention, so she walked through water, but the water made her eyes look like she was blind and her brain was just like all fucked up and kind of became like a zombie, but she could still like talking and stuff and didn't like eat people or anything, but it was not good and she ended up getting crushed by a shelf and it was pretty sad. I'm not even gonna lie and then at the very end there was guy who went through age and he had this mask on and he was. He had a sun sword and then there were two others there was me and then there was this guy with this moon sword, and, the guys were about to fight, but then they pressed a button that was on their sword and it went together and the sun guy became a cop and the moon guy was like OK what's what happens now and then the moon no the sun guy came back and was like I don't even know what's going on and that's when you find out that his father was one of the people who died from going through that water and that it really affected him and that he tried to commit suicide when he walked through the water so that he could be with his father and that's when he asked me if his father's waiting for him on the other side and that's when he takes off his mask then you can see that he has like bubbling blisters, but you could only assume is from the water which doesn't make sense because it didn't happen to anybody else so it could've been for something else as Wellit's kind of an open ended thing

13 Jul 2024

Dream

I was a begger on the street. My clothes were rotten and torn and I smelled awful. I was holding a sign and asking people for money, I felt so much shame and guilt for not being able to afford to live. Everyone was so mean to me, some people threw food at me, others spit on me, kids laughed. I felt like I wanted to die. So I pulled my pistol out of my shopping cart I was pushing around, and I shot myself in the head.

6 Jul 2024

Dream

I had a dream I took a trip to the moon where they were doing experiments on dreams and dream like states. I took part and in my dreams I saw things that could have been, such as meeting a great grandparent, having my dream job, getting married and having children. However, there seemed to be a realisation in my mind that I was happy with what I have in my waking life but I couldn't get out of this simulation. So I attempted to kill myself several times in this simulation before it would let me go. I did eventually wake up, and so did others who took part in the simulation.

5 Jul 2024

Dream

I was in a big tourist area with my dog, fudge, and my dad. There was lots of people and there was a big river or harbour infront of me and behind me there was a big tourist building like the one in Italy. All of a sudden there was a scream and I tunrned around and a man had jumped off the building to kill himself. He landed right infront of me and I saw his body splatter and break apart his head crushed and water and blood sprayed out. I got so panicked because I thought he landed on fudge but then I saw black fur under him and fudges fur is brown. But I still couldn’t find fudge anywhere until someone lifted up the man’s body and fudge was under there too. I picked him up and was trying to make sure he was okay but everyone was shouting at me “he’s dead Bethan he’s dead” like it was a chant and I was crying so hard I ran to a doctors near by and begged they would help him but then my dad appeared and my dad shouted “look at him Bethan, he’s dead” I looked at fudge in my arms and he was hanging over my arms with no movement. He was gone.

3 Jul 2024

Dream

I was at a school of some sort and one of the students there had committed suicide. I had a conversation with this person the night before their death, so the next day everyone was talking about it and what happened, and the last people he spoke to before he died. A lot of information was getting tossed around like there was some people who were encouraging him to kill himself, and i remember feeling scared that people thought i did this. I remember telling him i just wanted to be happy. I was so afraid that information was going to leak that i was somehow responsible for his death even though i knew I wasn’t. I kept getting pressure from my peers to share a poem about his death, but I didn’t feel comfortable because I was so afraid I was going to get caught somehow.