Art

27 Aug 2024

Dream

Visiting mother’s side grandmother’s house with mom Buying onigiri, our favorite snacks and a pencil and a sketchbook The last two items are for finishing ip a group art/presentation project before the family gatherings We get to grandma’s apartment, lounging at the third floor room while the relatives gradually gather I work on my project sketches This project is eerily similar to how the one for my last school trip in high school went(it was a recreational activity assignment, and it was to make a full skit in mere two nights during our stay; I was assigned the group leader for my team solely because I was the oldest of the bunch in grades(there were fucking 7th-8th graders in the mix). while other teams had their own friends and had an easier time just having fun while creating I knew none of the people prior to the event, our group were full of either socially awkward, plain unfunny, possessing blessings in the art of seriousness(cannot lighten/loosen up and jokey to save their life), or were chronic pessimist/complainer so much that it actually sabotaged the progress of the production; we ended up bombing the whole thing because none of us could or were in any condition to think up a decent sketch(the three-day schedule of the school trip was PACKED, not a minute of room for realistic rest or unwinding, nor to brainstorm or practice our ideas; it was unfairly designed and my team and I got the shortest end of the stick among all other teams my three 12th grade classmates were leading) and time ran out before we could come up with a coherent script. I blew up on their face mid-performance because I just couldn’t fucking take it(i was also in the middle of mental health crisis unsupported by adults around me and were on three bins of energy drinks), left a brave 8th grader who came up with the script idea publicly humiliated and traumatized(I did apologize to him afterwards and deeply regretted and felt ashamed of it but still)) And just like in real life I end up mismanaging the time and forget that it was supposed to start around the same time as the family gathering party/dinner(7pm) Once I realize this at like 8 after the first phase of the party is over I dash to a dark and quiet tatami room to connect to Zoom And lo and behold the one kid who suggested the plot idea for the animation is shouldering everything again; the pattern repeated itself He/she’s getting just as reckless, hopeless, frustrated and on the edge as I was in the real-life version of this event The plot was Japanese traditional horror story The art style is this beautiful Japanese coarse colored cut-paper arts(Evening is expressed with indigo papers, there’s red lotus lakes, goldfishes, red lanterns and townsfolk in kimono merrily going about their business, etc.) But all the sudden the tone of the narration changes(the medium doesn’t) and it all gets disordered beyond the savings, turning into a Hyakki Yagyo(the Demon’s Nightly Parade around the city streets from the Heian-era folklore); the one kid who shouldered it all snapped and went ‘fuck it’, started crushing the entire tone and the story on its head The viewers of this live animation performance(my classmates and the whole school) are intrigued and are curious about this sudden change, causing rumors to spread and such The rest of my team members can only watch in horror as do I, since the kid refuses to relinquish the control over the livestream, feeling unimaginably guilted for making the kid shoulder everything due to our own inactions, procrastinating and unrealistic perfectionism After the whole thing ended in a strange little comical(to us, utterly humiliating and horrifying) happenings, I go talk to the kid to first of all check in on their mental state and overall condition(wellbeing and sanity) The kid is sitting on the tatami, looks up at me upon noticing with an eerily calm, almost uncannily gentle smile and tone I scramble to apologize on my team’s behalf for making him/her suffer but they would not hear me, pausing me with a raise of their hand; a strange air of eery composure and authority to them now, hard to deny I feel overwhelmingly helpless and guilty as we are both now teleported to inside a moving bus, the kind I’d see running around the Tokyo metropolitan area often It appears the vehicle is around Hatsudai(near Ikebukuro-Setagaya); the sky is blocked by the thick, highway guardrail and the surrounding high buildings and skyscrapers, and I see a highway ramp ahead that the bus doesn’t seem to be getting on I implore the kid what they want and such, but they ignore my words and continue on with their strange questions and words about my Vedic astrological signs, which are Uttara/Purva Bhadrapada, for moon and sun signs respectively Some talk about how my ruling deity, Shani(personification of Saturn in Vedic astrology; son of Indra/Surya, half-nephew of Shiva, the dreadful dispenser of karma on behalf of Lord Yama of the afterlife), Ahir Budhnya(Ananta Shesha, the Serpent from the Depths in the Hindu creation myth) as well as Aja Ekapada(the fierce, one-legged serpentine aspect of Lord Shiva, specifically in-tune with darker, occult subjects like black magic, the left hand path and such), plays major role in my nearly lethal, intense and unignorable, leader-like qualities that I am born with Something that is according to the kid’s observations “omnipresent in my life and in that of those who interact with me”; says whoever I interact or encounter in my life, however minor their roles or involvement may be, leaves either me or the subject person completely transformed, with their egos(and sometimes any other parts of their preconceived notions about the world or of their healthy self-esteem or ego) destroyed; that I am either the person’s karma or I myself am given the karma of Shani, Aja Ekapada’s(or of Shiva or Yama himself indirectly, through him), swiftly and devastatingly It’s starting to turn into some kind of a spiritual lesson delivered through this incredibly emotionally heavy reenactment of traumatic circumstances and I don’t like it The kid ignores my discomfort and goes onto talk about the qualities of the blue sapphire, the gemstone influenced by Neelam, the personification of the gem and also a consort of Lord Shani(Saturn) and the mythical connections to what is needed(moral disciplines, consistencies and dedication to serve your fellow humans from the heart), and how it applies to this current situation(basically the kid’s telling em to humble myself and such after admitting that I’m also complicit in this dysfunctional dynamic of the project group as its team leader) and beyond(how there is an urgent need for me to heal my traumas and what came with it that is starting to affect my external environment(the people in my surroundings aka my teammates and other peers, staffs and teachers who interact with me in this school) in a scarring way)

27 Aug 2024

Dream

I saw a train in my dream, it was a big black train and I saw, I met, I met a girl from my art class and I asked her, where are you going? It's not a time to go and she said she was going to give her exams and I was like, I don't have exams, why do you have exams? She said, I have to go. She went to another city to give her exam by train. It's so weird.

26 Aug 2024

Dream

This guy I used to work with, Corey was in a majority of my dream. In real life I blocked him because he asked for inappropriate sexual things… so seeing him in my dream was strange. I was at Walmart looking for art supplies when suddenly my perspective changed to him walking around in the store and I basically became Corey. As Corey, I called his parents and was chit chatting with them on FaceTime. It was a nice wholesome interaction. As I leave Walmart (still as Corey) I then transfer back into my own body leaving the store too. I notice Corey walking out and I expect him to say something but instead he’s just there, walking the same way I’m going but not saying anything to me. I see this beautiful pink sunset and the sky just looks so pretty so I take my phone out and I take a lot of pictures. I expect him to have at least said something at this point, but he doesn’t. I get into my car and leave.

21 Aug 2024

Dream

I was trying out a new program at my teaching job - teaching a painting class! One class ended and I had about half an hour to prepare for the next one. People started flooding in, mostly adults, some families, some students that are already working with me at CMA. I laid out big pieces of watercolor paper for them with pre-drawn designs. I also left out acrylic paints and markers, but no watercolors. I told them to sit tight while I changed my clothes. I went into a different part of the building and tried to look for clothes, but I had no luck. I could not find a single thing and I was panicking. Suddenly I realized - I was late. The class was already supposed to have started. I was making the students wait for me and I just hoped that they were biding their time by trying out some of the art supplies. Finally, I got back to the class and it was almost the ending time. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed, but then I realized that they had indeed been creating art with the supplies I laid out. Everyone had created a beautiful art piece and they seemed so proud of themselves, and nobody seemed to be mad that I hadn’t been there at all. We did some of the watercolors that I had meant to do all along, but it ended up being a very successful class.

21 Aug 2024

Dream

I was in highschool and taking an art class. We were using balloons as a base and then paper mache over it to build a sculpture. I made a really complex balloon but didn’t paper mache it well enough so the whole thing deflated. I had to redo the whole thing which ended up being okay because I got to make a better idea the second time. I was behind but worked hard to get back up to speed with the rest of the class.

18 Aug 2024

Dream

I was coming home from the mall with one of my childhood friends, she was driving and it was nighttime. As we were driving a group of people were trying to cross the highway. I told her she needed to watch out but she ran over a woman, and she just kept driving. I kept telling her we needed to go back, that this was bad, but she kept insisting it would be fine. I was in the car thinking to myself I’m going to be charged for manslaughter. We arrive at my childhood home and there’s a party happening, it’s also transformed into a two-story house. I remember feeling sick to my stomach after what happened with my friend not sure of what to do. And then the house caught on fire, I moved everyone into the garage to try to escape the houses, this is where my art studio was, and I had paintings and my easel. We tried getting out, but we were stuck inside the house burning house.

10 Aug 2024

Dream

I'm in some kind of daycare full of decorations such as children's furniture; arts and crafts supplies; toys scattered along the floor; chairs & a range of kids drawings. This nursery is housed by multiple future and past versions of me at every age & stage of my life. I spend a few minutes walking around looking at every version of myself. So far it feels comforting, suddenly the door opens, but before I could see who it was it ends

1 Aug 2024

Dream

I often dream of being back in high school. I have to complete classes that didnt allow me to get my High school diploma, but i have already completed my college degree. It feels strange. I always have to complete a math class but im always cutting the class. In this dream i was avoiding an art class to go make the line at a food truck. I got arab tomatoes on a platter. Someone eas helping me make my plate. I wasn’t enthusiastic about how they were plating my food. But they insisted because there was a particular way to serve this food and were trying to help. When i got back to where i was staying, it was at youtube star greg Duccet’s house. he had accused me of knowing who was stealing from him. I told him it didnt make sense- the items attempted to be taken were so large that no one could see them take it without notice - especially in front of his loyal house keepers.

31 Jul 2024

Dream

I was on my way to a cave and I was thinking how my friend's arch was better than the art I made when I was 7 and how the style is similar.

30 Jul 2024

Dream

I was in my neighborhood everyone was super kind and loving there I went to this guy I watch on tiktok house that I also knew in the dream. He was live streaming and was capturing a paranormal happening in his home a floorboard that was standing up kept swayin back and forth, so my bf and I decided to help with the renovation he was working on the front door he was an artist buy there were giant spiral notebooks as tall as me and double me in width so we we using those as part of a door so we picked a page of art we liked out of the notebook and hung the whole notebook on the door by the hinges I then started looking through the other notebooks for art to go on othe door and the one I choose was junkyard tanning there were like 5 friends that obviously lived in a rundown kind of city and they were sunbathing with old tires around etc. The art style was like bobble head style and included all cultures of people the book was very detailed and had names and descriptions of the painting on each page. As I was choosing the next photo my alarm went off and I woke up

16 Jul 2024

Dream

my childhood best friend’s younger brother, steve sang “Crazy for You” with his eyes closed by Adele while sitting next to me in a row of what i think was a school bus. i’m pretty sure we were instructed to sing as a part of some competition for a class but I can’t remember the specifics. also we were all grown up, me 24, him 21. as steve sang the song by Adele, he stitched together the lyrics with his hands, as if he was sewing the melody. I told him that I also move my hands to the beat in a particular pattern as I sing, but I follow it nonlinearly, like a wave. I remember saying how “fascinating” about the fact that he also follows a pattern to the beat with his hands, which he sees in his mind while his eyes are closed as he sings. i was in awe of his voice. it was absolutely gorgeous. I literally had my jaw dropped listening as I had no idea he could sing! I told him that Adele was my favorite singer to sing to and he was like “oh my God I have to hear you I didn’t know you sang!” i responded with a kinda snarky comment for some reason, saying something along the lines of “of course I do! I’m surprised you didn’t know since I always sang as a kid like nonstop, because I had Tourette’s and couldn’t help it lol” and then the lyrics to “don’t you remember” by Adele started to play in the background of my mind, meaning steve couldn’t hear it, but I could, so I told him I would sing that song for him. before I could though, I woke up. also for context, i had a massive crush on steve as a kid but it was unrequited. every once in a while I have a dream about him though I haven’t seen him in about 10 years. i had a dream about him earlier this year on march 24th, 2024 where he showed me his artistic work, which I was surprised he had created, because when we were younger, we didn’t really show each other or are that much. Though I did teach him, my best friend and their youngest brother, as if we were in a classroom a lot when we were younger, like I played the role of teacher, and they were my students.

11 Jul 2024

Dream

I dreamed that i had created 2 peices of art one was a bowl of sushi rolls that had not yet been sliced bunched up in a bowl. I showed them to my friend Sean, and he asked me about my inspiration. My dreamed jumped to a memory of me getting on the train and it being soo packed; the platform was full with peoople waiting to get on the train. So much so people waiting on the tracks. I was on the train, and we rode past all the people, not stopping. I had gotten on the train with good timing and did not have to wait. I told sean these uncut sushi rolls represented this 1 train experience. He was so proud of me he sent me an email to submit my artwork for a competition. I was flattered and uploaded the pictures of my art.