Time

27 Aug 2024

Dream

Visiting mother’s side grandmother’s house with mom Buying onigiri, our favorite snacks and a pencil and a sketchbook The last two items are for finishing ip a group art/presentation project before the family gatherings We get to grandma’s apartment, lounging at the third floor room while the relatives gradually gather I work on my project sketches This project is eerily similar to how the one for my last school trip in high school went(it was a recreational activity assignment, and it was to make a full skit in mere two nights during our stay; I was assigned the group leader for my team solely because I was the oldest of the bunch in grades(there were fucking 7th-8th graders in the mix). while other teams had their own friends and had an easier time just having fun while creating I knew none of the people prior to the event, our group were full of either socially awkward, plain unfunny, possessing blessings in the art of seriousness(cannot lighten/loosen up and jokey to save their life), or were chronic pessimist/complainer so much that it actually sabotaged the progress of the production; we ended up bombing the whole thing because none of us could or were in any condition to think up a decent sketch(the three-day schedule of the school trip was PACKED, not a minute of room for realistic rest or unwinding, nor to brainstorm or practice our ideas; it was unfairly designed and my team and I got the shortest end of the stick among all other teams my three 12th grade classmates were leading) and time ran out before we could come up with a coherent script. I blew up on their face mid-performance because I just couldn’t fucking take it(i was also in the middle of mental health crisis unsupported by adults around me and were on three bins of energy drinks), left a brave 8th grader who came up with the script idea publicly humiliated and traumatized(I did apologize to him afterwards and deeply regretted and felt ashamed of it but still)) And just like in real life I end up mismanaging the time and forget that it was supposed to start around the same time as the family gathering party/dinner(7pm) Once I realize this at like 8 after the first phase of the party is over I dash to a dark and quiet tatami room to connect to Zoom And lo and behold the one kid who suggested the plot idea for the animation is shouldering everything again; the pattern repeated itself He/she’s getting just as reckless, hopeless, frustrated and on the edge as I was in the real-life version of this event The plot was Japanese traditional horror story The art style is this beautiful Japanese coarse colored cut-paper arts(Evening is expressed with indigo papers, there’s red lotus lakes, goldfishes, red lanterns and townsfolk in kimono merrily going about their business, etc.) But all the sudden the tone of the narration changes(the medium doesn’t) and it all gets disordered beyond the savings, turning into a Hyakki Yagyo(the Demon’s Nightly Parade around the city streets from the Heian-era folklore); the one kid who shouldered it all snapped and went ‘fuck it’, started crushing the entire tone and the story on its head The viewers of this live animation performance(my classmates and the whole school) are intrigued and are curious about this sudden change, causing rumors to spread and such The rest of my team members can only watch in horror as do I, since the kid refuses to relinquish the control over the livestream, feeling unimaginably guilted for making the kid shoulder everything due to our own inactions, procrastinating and unrealistic perfectionism After the whole thing ended in a strange little comical(to us, utterly humiliating and horrifying) happenings, I go talk to the kid to first of all check in on their mental state and overall condition(wellbeing and sanity) The kid is sitting on the tatami, looks up at me upon noticing with an eerily calm, almost uncannily gentle smile and tone I scramble to apologize on my team’s behalf for making him/her suffer but they would not hear me, pausing me with a raise of their hand; a strange air of eery composure and authority to them now, hard to deny I feel overwhelmingly helpless and guilty as we are both now teleported to inside a moving bus, the kind I’d see running around the Tokyo metropolitan area often It appears the vehicle is around Hatsudai(near Ikebukuro-Setagaya); the sky is blocked by the thick, highway guardrail and the surrounding high buildings and skyscrapers, and I see a highway ramp ahead that the bus doesn’t seem to be getting on I implore the kid what they want and such, but they ignore my words and continue on with their strange questions and words about my Vedic astrological signs, which are Uttara/Purva Bhadrapada, for moon and sun signs respectively Some talk about how my ruling deity, Shani(personification of Saturn in Vedic astrology; son of Indra/Surya, half-nephew of Shiva, the dreadful dispenser of karma on behalf of Lord Yama of the afterlife), Ahir Budhnya(Ananta Shesha, the Serpent from the Depths in the Hindu creation myth) as well as Aja Ekapada(the fierce, one-legged serpentine aspect of Lord Shiva, specifically in-tune with darker, occult subjects like black magic, the left hand path and such), plays major role in my nearly lethal, intense and unignorable, leader-like qualities that I am born with Something that is according to the kid’s observations “omnipresent in my life and in that of those who interact with me”; says whoever I interact or encounter in my life, however minor their roles or involvement may be, leaves either me or the subject person completely transformed, with their egos(and sometimes any other parts of their preconceived notions about the world or of their healthy self-esteem or ego) destroyed; that I am either the person’s karma or I myself am given the karma of Shani, Aja Ekapada’s(or of Shiva or Yama himself indirectly, through him), swiftly and devastatingly It’s starting to turn into some kind of a spiritual lesson delivered through this incredibly emotionally heavy reenactment of traumatic circumstances and I don’t like it The kid ignores my discomfort and goes onto talk about the qualities of the blue sapphire, the gemstone influenced by Neelam, the personification of the gem and also a consort of Lord Shani(Saturn) and the mythical connections to what is needed(moral disciplines, consistencies and dedication to serve your fellow humans from the heart), and how it applies to this current situation(basically the kid’s telling em to humble myself and such after admitting that I’m also complicit in this dysfunctional dynamic of the project group as its team leader) and beyond(how there is an urgent need for me to heal my traumas and what came with it that is starting to affect my external environment(the people in my surroundings aka my teammates and other peers, staffs and teachers who interact with me in this school) in a scarring way)

26 Aug 2024

Dream

April and I were given these bags to stuff for volunteers with cards and gifts but there were pieces missing and we weren't able to complete one of the bags and we had extras of other stuff that we didn't need. And it was time to turn them in and I was frustrated because we weren't ready and I didn't know how to fix it.

20 Aug 2024

Dream

In a funeral hall Elegant and soft designs Assisting my mom rehearse and prepare her mind for the eulogy speech Not sure who really died but someone close to her, older generation Maybe her father(my grandfather) or grandfather(great grandfather) Being sabotaged, interrupted and disrupted repeatedly by grandmotherms(my mother’s mother) words and verbal jabs, she has a passive aggressive, cold and critical attitude when it comes to her own daughter Assuring my mother through it; she has low self esteem It’s kinda tiring tho Seeing a blue, impressionistic painting that looks like blue and hold ocean with bits of something red in it I find it beautiful The heckling and the interferences continue into the actual performance on stage People ‘ahem’ing at the situation, likely to the nagging grandmother Mother losing confidence every second Me helping and doing whatever I can to shut the granny down politely and such Once we’re done we’re out of the building It looked so magnificent from the inside but it just looks like any other building in a countryside, the whitewash sort of chipped, parts rusted, engulfed in vines and the flora from the surrounding forest We turn out backs on it(now there’s a man I don’t really know, a voice of my dad(just the voice, no real presence), and my younger brother) And get on bicycles that’d been left alone nearby and speed down the rocky slopes, dense woods around us, tree canopy like tunnel roof The whole area looks so much like the manor house square(there’s only the stone foundation of it left) of the castle ruins in the mountain we lived at the edge of(forests) Once I’ve come down the perspective switch Now it’s like I’m flying on the bicycle across a map I can see a moat; looks a bit like another Japanese castle I went to Car roads surrounding it so it looks like the Imperial Palace too The ebbing and flowing of tides, in timelapse The moat, the big pond and the waters are affected by it Once it turns to night(on the map) the park area shows itself Near the edge of dawn I go cycle into it, landing from the sky Playing around, lotus pink and white, beautiful dawn, purple atmosphere and sky Coming back to the house(the building I currently live in; owned by my other(paternal) grandma) Now the scenery is downtown Family reunion going on with all the relatives from my mother’s side taking place Icky vibes, mom’s mom(the bully from earlier is here too, being all obnoxious, fake-merry, faking demureness and being braggadocious) My bestfriend Maka from middle school is here too, so I take her and go up the indoor stairs to lose the crowd Mom too, she joins to supervise but not really; she just wants space from her bully mom Playing around, going up and down as parts of the stairsteps disintegrate and reveal a glimmering white offgrid, unrendered area under the map(like in games) There’s breeze despite it being inside(not really anymore, there’s infestations of plants and weeds, pretty tho) and itms really fun, relaxing in a way, the progressively ‘ruinous’ state of the building being swallowed into nature and the sparkling otherworld Mom seems greatly unsettled(like a normal person would be), Maka is having fun, playfully poking fun at my nonchalance and giving commentaries on both of us and the situation Climbing up high enough that we noclip into the outside staircase This one’s rusted but still safe Breeze blowing, it’s sunset Mild, warm and chill Sitting on the steps, talking about what happened back at the funeral venue Commenting to each other frankly, joking around about it being a hex or an evil eye(not really joking) As the time passes we come down from the bubble of the fun and comfort, hear the relatives laughing and still having the party and such Deciding to go back Noclipping into the inside staircase, pausing after descending about a third of the steps to the room where the party is, calling out to Maka and mom that I don’t want to They smile, look relieved and agree, we nod to each other We climb back up the grassy staircase and float into the map-like perspective of the sky around the town and the white overworld

8 Aug 2024

Dream

my dream started with me and my classmates and mom i guess being in a space shuttle that was huge, it was where we lived. A friend and I were looking through a window at earth and the moon, when all of a sudden a huge explosion happened and jt kinda rocked the shuttle. When we looked the moon had exploded, and was replaced by a moon just a as big as the sun, if not bigger. I panicked. We all panicked? what did that mean for earth? whats happening there?. Most of everyone on the shuttle was preparing to go down to earth in small ships to see what was happening. I went down with this boy in a shuttle with classmates. The earth felt weird, an odd sensation of being alone, but not at the same time. After a while it skipped to another part of the dream. We were all locking ourselves in a school. There were strict rules you had to follow at specified times. Or else bad things would manifest. For example at 6:42 we werent allowed to wear green jewelry and we had to stay almost completely silent. I say almost because a few words meant nothing. But sentences with meaning can be twisted into bad manifestation. I was planning to meet mom so i could sit with her while we sat in silence for who knows how long this time. But when i saw her the time had already began and i walked up to her but she was talking. I shushed her and stood next to her. She talked, and we shushed her, she wasn't exactly a whole believer. But we knew. Mom was saying about how many girls there are compared to guys. Then after the time felt right we went back to normal. Then we heard what? I dont know but we started running away to another building. We were definitely running from something but i cant remember. This time it was a business building it looked like. We figured out the combination code on the lock and locked ourselves inside. I try to defend my mother to the other girls. I look over to mom and then I Woke Up.

30 Jul 2024

Dream

remember a train going by my mum. And brother were sitting on it. I was supposed to go on the train. And take my phone with me. I was waiting for the train and it was still stuck in the time frame. When my brother and mum were on the train, it was really slow. And I couldn’t get on because of how slow it was and stuck in that time frame with my brother and mother

23 Jul 2024

Dream

I had a dream that I was walking by a gas station and my old crush, Anthony, who is now dating my best friend, harlynn, is walking into the gas station with his friend, Gael. Then I go somewhere and someone tells me i need to jump from the sky to find the secrets of the aincent people of 1904. But it was Anthony’s ex, Lolita and Lolita’s friend, Evelyn that are jumping with me. When we jump they both die but I survive. Then I open my phone and my crush is texting me and then asks me if I want to FaceTime him and I told him I couldn’t cause it was 13:09 am but when i woke up my friend told me the time in their dream was 9:13 so we think something might happen on 9/13/2024 but idk.

22 Jul 2024

Dream

I had a dream i was giving an exam to my students and icwanted everyone to be able to finish. So i waited tovl everyone finishes but that meant we went over time, my students missed their busses home even though everyone got to complete the exam. I was scolded by the school bus coordinator and mocked me for saying “ i lost track of time” - the dream goes on many years later where i have a room that is almost like a archeological site. I went with many students who were stuck there under stones and water. In an effort to go back i learn the studentd are still alive and have not even aged even thougg its been almost 10yrs. I go with vance to uncover the the site. We try and be inconspicuous but are then followed by a man asking a lot of questions. I try and be friendly, but vance doesn’t speak to him at all. As we go to the dig site we see the area has been remodeled into a modern basement and the anxient site is behind a door. Behind the walls. We precariously avoid being detected. We get to the door and i know how to open it but its going to take time blowing away sand from a crack in the door.

21 Jul 2024

Dream

I'm in the woods behind my childhood house and I'm 6 years old. I bring my rocking chair, a blanket, and a juice box with me, and set up camp at a tree that has a defined hole about 3 feet up from the ground, where a miniature owl is living, and that owl talks to me telekinetically about how he's feeling, and always wants to know how my day was. As I'm there, I notice an imaginary fox, and I hear a lion roar, but never actually see the lion. Where most people would feel fear at a lion roar, I didn't feel fear so much as curiosity; and if the owl was beside me, I knew I'd be safe. I knew my parents would me upset if I came home late, so when it started getting dark out, I'd look at my naked wrist, and know exactly what time it was, down to the minute. Instinctually. I'd run home and make it just in time, then fall asleep on the couch in the living room watching Dick Van Dyke with my dad.

20 Jul 2024

Dream

A family trying to sell a rundown house mate using magic to cover up the ruins. The magic only last for a short period of time.

14 Jul 2024

Dream

I was at work my boss asked me did I need anything and I said paper so she brought be some so later on she asked me did I need anything again and I said I need paper so later I went to a vending machine a tried to get some sprite but when I selected sprite I got some pink lemonade keto drink and I was made and all of a sudden my bosses sister that I used to go to school with she was a little girl in my dream and she came to work with us and I was training her and I wanted to get away from work for an hr and she was with me so we eneded up going to a church library to watch a movie so we watched the movie and before we knew it was six a clock and we get off work at 4pm we stayed over the time we were supposed to and my boss will be looking for her sister after work so while we where at the library watching the movie my sister walks in and says hey u not home yet and I was like oh what time is it and she said it’s 6:30pm and I rushed to get my bosses sister out so we can go back to work but I was also wondering how will I explain this and keep my job and as I was wondering that the dream ended. And I work up breathing hard

10 Jul 2024

Dream

I was at the park next to the primary school I’ve attended, the sky was cloudy, the air was warm, and yet I had on my grey hoodie with jeans that had folded a little above my ankles. I sat there watching other children playing, there was this one special playground activity that looked fun if you put your mind to it, though it wasn’t desirable plus it was pretty high in the air where someone could easily fall off of. I pictured my 7-10 year old self playing there, with some girls whom I wish I could’ve connected with back then (when I think about them now, I mean) just knowing I can’t change back time.